DB

I stayed in an AirBnB while in Seattle, as the prices for hotels during my stay were atrocious. It was far beyond my budget, so I decided to look at AirBnB options. While they were equally unappealing, what was appealing in price was the option to stay in a room in someone’s house. Excellent! It might be a bit weird, but nothing that I couldn’t stomach.

Man. I didn’t realize that I would feel sick by living in someone else’s house. I don’t think I had an issue with the host. She was pleasant, cordial, and she was still up when I checked in around midnight, which was surprising. I had a lock on my door, and we didn’t bother each other…no problem!

What made me feel weird was when I saw a small child, maybe around 7 or 8, walking up to the house one afternoon when I was also heading back for a nap. I said hi, I opened the door for her, and walked up. Her mom introduced us to each other. I said hi, she said hi, and you could tell that she had that…stranger danger, uncomfortable sort of vibe going on.

I closed my door and made a point that I was as invisible as possible. By providing me a home and a room to rest, I was taking away this home from this child. I didn’t know that. Their mom did, but that wasn’t a choice that I could chide them on. I was their customer, and I was benefiting from this exploitation. It would be hypocritical.

It made my stomach churn. This idea of offering hospitality as a business…for the cost of a home. I couldn’t imagine offering my home as an asset to someone else. Let alone, the home of my child, for money. Times are hard, but if I don’t have to within my means…I won’t.

I can’t compromise my home.

This experience landed a little close to home for me. Someone was talking about D&D as a business…I thought about it before.

No, really I have. The idea of doing some thing that you love for money sounds great. There would be no day where you feel exhausted, every day would be a joy because you enjoyed so much, and people would be entertained by your company. You could just be who you are and you could live off of that. I believe that’s also the appeal of streaming. The thing about tabletop role-playing games though, is that it is an activity. There is an expectation of what gets done and what you can do. Everyone (at the table) is there for either a game, a story…or to hang out.

I need that expectation. I need an activity to be able to socialize properly. When first getting to know people, I am terrible. I will sit on the side. I will not talk to people because I do not want to be a bother. The nice thing about TTRPGs is that there’s an expectation that you eventually get your turn to talk. And if you’re not talking to someone, ideally the game master will address you and make sure that you’re included. I like including people and telling stories and playing games and hanging out. So, I thought that D&D or TTRPGs as a business was a swell idea.

The sad part about this is that like all art, you will find a bump in the ride. And if art is something that you were doing for fun, then a bump isn’t a big deal. You can go do something else for fun in the meantime while you’re riding out that wave. If it is your sole profession, if can’t have money saved up, then it can spell disastrous for you. If it is your profession, you must perform even when you do not have desire to or if you do not have the drive to. And when it comes to hospitality and being welcoming… I don’t know if that’s something I can do under pressure.

And so, will I pursue TTRPGs, professionally? As a player and game master, no. There’s an expectation to perform and to be on top of your game…even when you are live streaming an actual play, there’s a quality of play that you must present. There’s a quality of personality that you must present…I don’t know if I can present that every time. And that means I am not a professional.

And because I’m not a professional, I don’t have to be the best all the time. I can afford to be kind, and I can afford to slip up as a host from time to time. I don’t have to have a fully immersive game. I don’t have to have the most funny games. I can have the kind game . And kindness…although it takes a while…it is made for the players and not the audience. Fuck the audience. They cannot pay me to become what they want me to be.

However, they can pay me for my games: as they are. Without compromising my home, my players, and that which is a greater priority to me than a dollar amount. Only if they want to. In that case, I won’t say no.

But, I can’t compromise myself and my friends to become what is profitable.

I hope that my table can live apart from a business, the world, and all those who would wish to claim it for themselves.

Because in my view, that’s how I keep my table safe.